Thursday, June 6, 2013

Borrowed Words

I'm short on words these days. My heart feels more than a little tired. I have spent my moments thinking of and planning ways to get back to where I think my heart lives when it's not right here in the midst of Jason and the boys. Be aware, travellers, that if you give your heart to others far away, there is less of it to bring home. You have to figure out how to nurture it on two continents, as I do mine. It's changed me which means it has changed my life in many ways. Where I work. What I read. What I hear when the news is on in the background. Who I see when I'm in a crowded grocery store on a weekend. In changing me, it's both sharpened and softened my personality, my character and my ability to sit passively. I may sit for long periods in quiet, contemplation but it's not passivity. I will speak up but do my best not to speak out of turn. I will speak on behalf of others hopefully more than on my own behalf. There's loneliness that is involved in these changes. There's an urgency in things I do that wasn't there before but there's also a restfulness that won't indulge in busyness for the sake of being busy. I'm not sure what I feel is self-pity but there is a mournful nature to my thoughts when I think of my blissful ignorance.

I'm going to borrow words. Applicable but not mine.

Much that may one day be possible can already be prepared by the solitary individual, and built with his own hands which make fewer mistakes. Therefore love your solitude and bear the pain of it without self-pity. The distance you feel from those around you should trouble you no more than your distance from the farthest stars. be glad that you are growing, and realize that you cannot take anyone with you: be gentle with those who stay behind. Be confident and calm before them, and don’t torment them with your doubts or distress them with your ambitions which they wouldn’t be able to comprehend. Find in a true and simple way what you have in common with them, which does not need to change when you yourself change and change again. When you see them, love life in a from that is not your own, and be kind to all the people who are afraid of their aloneness

-Love the Solitude.
Worpswede, July 16, 1903
Letters to a young poet

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